I just finished my exit report, exit survey, and scheduled my exit interview for tomorrow aka my last day at the United Nations Offices at Nairobi. That's a lot of exits no? Then I realized that as much as I miss Sonic Route 44 Lemon-Berry Slush, frozen yoghurt (they got me spelling like them!!!), and Sprinkles' red velvet cupcakes, I'm not completely ready to make my big exit. 

These are things I'll miss about my sweet gig at the UN:

1. Signing my emails

Kindest regards,

Khadija Farah
Intern, Office of the Director General
United Nations Offices at Nairobi
Tel: +254 (0) 20 7625165
ODGint08@unon.org 

2.  The monkeys. We had our differences but we still had our primate connection. If you're reading this, I forgive you for stealing my eats. 

*3. Answering phones "Hello. ODG, How may I help you?" I especially loved it when people called the office looking for somewhere else and hearing the shock in their voice when I say "This is the Office of the Director General, how may I direct your call?" Good times. They don't actually know that I don't actually work for the big man. 

*4. Getting my tea and pastries delivered to my office. Okay not all interns get this. It helps to work in the boss-man's department and to be friendly with the cafe staff. 

*5. The power of the UN. People get all wide-eyed and amazed when you tell them you're a UN intern. It's great. I've gotten away with illegal parking because of it. 

*Oh how I abuse privileges.  

Khadija 

Nerdy title for a post. What can I say? I'm a Harry Potter geek. 

Well my wonderful internship ends on Friday and the only thing on my mind is "you need to make a memorable exit, Khadija."

Now I know you probably think I've already done enough for all the interns on this complex but I still think there's more. There are a few high profile offices I haven't waltzed into yet but I'm sure nothing will compare to the Director-General's private office. I could call the Prime Minister or President of Kenya's personal cell phone numbers (because this office just has such things lying around. I see you Biden!) and introduce myself as "the future" (Kenya just got on the mobilizing the youth train) but I don't really want to be deported so close to departure.

If you have any ideas of how I can get my "mischief managed," let me know. Bear in mind that I don't want to lose any of my fabulous recommendation letters.

US Embassy

I decided to walk on over to our lovely embassy which is conveniently located right across the street from the UN complex, to "register myself." I know I'm leaving in days so this is irrelevant but I was curious. The guards were being extremely unreasonable, saying that I had doctored my passport and that because I was Somali it probably belonged to a cousin of mine. Luckily, an embassy intern came to my rescue.

Inside, they searched me and made me feel like a common criminal. I wasn't surprised given a US embassy was once bombed in Nairobi. The lovely attendants then purposefully gave me wrong directions to where I was going. I later realized that they did this in order to get me to face every camera in that particular area.

Unlike the UN, the way to Ambassador Ranneberger's office is heavily guarded so I couldn't even come close. 

Confession: this was my main purpose of going to the embassy. I abandoned my registration and went back to the UN. Sad times. 

Got to get back to work!

Khadija 

"Ngai Khadija!" is what my supervisor always says when I get into some trouble or accidentally walk into the Director-General's office while he's having a meeting... that sort of thing. "Ngai" is the Kikuyu (one of the tribes in Kenya) word for "God." If it's really bad, she'll say "Ngai Mothoni!" I haven't figured out what mothoni means but it all vaguely translates to "dear God" or "good God." I've been hearing this a lot lately.

Remember when I said that people don't smile often in Kenya? Well senior staff members don't smile that much either. You'd think that working at the UN and getting bank would make you smile wider than a crocodile at a wildebeest migration (animal metaphors are completely necessary in Africa)! I may have also mentioned that I have a smiling problem and love saying "hi" to people who pass by me (especially if they look like they've never seen happiness in their lives). Apparently this isn't done. Ever.

So there I am, delivering super sensitive documents about a staff member who-- oops. Anyway, I see the Chef de Cabinet coming towards me, looking as authoritative as always. I naturally smile and say hi. He was visibly thrown off guard- this is what I imagine went through his head.

Is she talking to me? Did she just say "hi" to ME? I mean what is she thinking? Does she know who I am?? I know she knows who I am... who DOESN'T know who I am? Oh gosh she's still smiling. Must be American. I'll smile back- but wait, no. No one can know that I am capable of happiness. I'll do a Mona Lisa. That should do it.

He then let out a whispered "hi."

I went back into the office and my supervisor goes "NGAI KHADIJA!" She had been called by someone who watched the whole thing go down.

I guess the intern coordinator was right when she said "people are watching you... ALWAYS."

Khadija

Mount Kilimanjaro from the plane. Photo by Me.

I arrived in Moshi, Tanzania on Friday, hoping for a lovely retreat from hectic Nairobi. It's not exactly what I got.  
Mosquitoes-I've battled them before. I was sure I'd come out victorious this time around. Besides, Tanzanian mosquitoes can't be that different from Kenyan ones right? Unfortunately, I didn't have my special weapon with me and for some reason, Doom (bug spray extraordinaire) was not available anywhere.

My poor limbs became a buffet for these creatures. Not even a mosquito net could stop them.

The same night, I got bitten by a spider (no, I didn't kill it even though I really wanted to end it's eight-legged life). It left my arm red, swollen, itchy, and paining.

I was sure it wasn't going to get any worse.

The next day, the temperature was around HOT and SCORCHING. It remained this way all weekend long. To add to my misery, the only fan in the house wasn't working. Unlike Texas, you can't go into stores to escape the heat. It only gets worse. I gave up my hunt for handmade crafts after I realized that I was nearing the color of charcoal.

Also, I never got to see Mt. Kilimanjaro from the town because of the cloud cover.

I thought my misery was over when I arrived at Kilimanjaro "International" Airport. However, the airport staff managed to both insult and torture me at the same time. They kept asking me if I was related to Farrah Aidid, the Somali military leader/self proclaimed President of Somalia/ warlord. Now any Somali-lander knows these are fighting words. They also wanted to know why America let a Somali student be a citizen. "How is that possible?", they asked.

Things were looking up when the pilot let me sit at the cockpit with him. Then I realized this cockpit had no air-conditioning and was receiving a little more sunshine than I cared to absorb. I had to endure the hour-long sticky hot flight back to Nairobi.

Thanks for letting me wallow. I promise the next post will be full of my usual UN antics.

Khadija

No caption needed. Taken by Shady cheetah keeper. 

When you arrive at the Kenya Wildlife Services Animal Orphanage, you will notice a huge sign that reads "Kenya Wildlife Services is a corrupt-free organization." An interesting welcome no?

I quickly found out that a couple thousand shillings will render this disclaimer useless.

I didn't expect to pet a bunch of cheetahs while they scarf down some meat. Technically the cheetah handlers are not supposed to do this but for an undisclosed fee, they will be more than happy to let you take a picture with these awesome animals. 

Here is how our lovely conversation went. Note: It was all whispered.

Me: So is it possible to get in there with the cheetahs.
Keeper: We are not supposed to let you in
Me: Really? I saw a picture with Usain Bolt and a cheetah here... (helps to do your research)
K: How much do you have?
Me: What? (remembers that she is a broke intern)
K: 40,000 (roughly $500)
Me: 40,000 what?
K: Shillings. It costs at least that much.
(the rest of this conversation happened in Swahili)
Me: I'm not a tourist. I'm Kenyan. Therefore, I only have 3
K: hundred? (gives me confused look like there is no way you're getting in for 300)
Me: Thousand
K: That will do. Come quickly!!

The rest was a blur. A very beautiful blur. 

I had to give the man his money (ended up giving him 2k instead) on the side. I've never bought drugs but I imagine you employ the same payment technique.  

Highlight: One cheetah began gnawing on my leg.

Election Update

Kenya voted YES for the proposed constitution in a peaceful election. Finally, the country can begin implementing laws that should have been in place decades ago.

My Travels

I go to Moshi, Tanzania today. If you've ever climbed Kilimanjaro, you know that Moshi is a town located at the foot of the mountain. No, I'm not climbing the mountain just visiting my grandmother.

Have a lovely weekend!

Khadija 

Tomorrow, Kenyans will be voting on whether or not they want the proposed constitutional draft. For the past couple of weeks, politicians have been going at it, holding political rallies and trying to convince their constituents to vote for or against the draft. 

Unlike the United States, politicians didn't divide themselves by political party but by ideology. I know what you're thinking- shouldn't they be the same? Not when it comes to the draft. They have split into Yes and No camps- represented by green and red colors respectively. 

Because Kenya doesn't have early voting, August 4th has been declared a public holiday so citizens can vote. I'm particularly jazzed because I don't have to wake up and go to work at 8 in the am but that's another story.

Kenya has a history of election violence and although the government says it will be a peaceful election (they said this in 2007 too), no one can predict what will happen. I don't think anything major will happen in Nairobi but other parts of the country are less stable but who knows. Some of the memos we have sent out from work (classified so I can't really tell you what they say) have been ominous to say the least.  

Fun facts: The United States is not detached from the voting process in Kenya. Evangelical churches and the some Republicans have been accused of funding the No (against the constitution) campaign while the US Ambassador has been accused of trying to get some Yes votes. I can safely say that non of these are far from the truth. 

I'll keep you posted on what happens.

Praying for a peaceful election.

Khadija 

Kenyan museums, national parks, hotels, resorts, and probably food if they could are more expensive for non-residents. Why? Because they assume that if you can travel to Kenya, you can pay to enjoy all the country has to offer.

Being the broke intern that I am, I can't afford to pay $50 for myself and a few friends just to get into a museum. However, I happen to be lucky to be born in Kenya so I know how to fake an accent and pull out Swahili when needed. If you're traveling on a budget or have an internship that only pays $100 per month like me (by the way, if any of you at budget/HR are reading this, I want my money!!!), you probably want to do the same. If not, grab a local and stand far away from them while they are paying. Africans can smell "foreigner" on you.

Now, if you happen to be a mzungu (white person), you're probably out of luck. Yes, I know that there are white Kenyans, but they aren't considered Kenyans (sad but true). They are thought of as "colonialists" or "cowboys" (those who decided to remain after Kenya gained independence from Britain). It's been decades but the Kenyan is still bitter about what happened pre-independence.  

Even then, white Kenyans have the IDs to prove that they are Kenyan and you don't. 

 Happy travels!

Khadija 

Confession time! That last picture made it seem like kissing a giraffe was a magical experience, but I present to you "the aftermath."

Note the trail of antiseptic giraffe saliva. Magical indeed.

Khadija 

 Attempt #1 at "kissing" the giraffe. Photo taken by: Maurice (don't know his last name) who works at the Giraffe Center. 

 I was in need of a new facebook profile picture (don't judge me!) so we decided to head over to the Giraffe Center because the place never disappoints.

The Giraffe Center is basically a sanctuary for the endangered Rothschild giraffe which is only found in Kenya and Uganda. Why go there? Other than the wicked photo ops, you get to feed these majestic creatures from the safety of a raised platform. 

You could play it safe and feed the giraffe with your hand but it's way more fun to "kiss" the giraffe aka feed it with your mouth. I have been to the Giraffe Center numerous times but never found the courage to do it. The only thing holding me back before was the nasty, gooey saliva.  

Fun fact: Giraffe saliva is antiseptic. Once you learn that it isn't teeming with unseen bacteria, it really makes kissing the giraffe quite easy.     

I also had to get over the fact that everyone decided to gather around and stare at me doing it*. This could go back to the whole "Africans stare, get over it" thing but I'm pretty sure half of those people were American. Oh well- T.I.A.**

UN Update

So I'm back to work and I shut my windows. I should really take a picture of these windows because they are really just glass blinds that you open and close. Not sure how monkeys squeeze through it. My pastries were safely deposited into my digestive system so I have nothing to worry about... I think. 

Sidenote: I need another go-to copying song.  

*Note to self: Don't go on a Saturday when the center is crawling with people.  
** This is Africa 

I'm still kind of confused about what just happened. If this post is all over the place, I apologize.

Remember when I said don't feed the monkeys? I forgot to mention that you shouldn't leave open containers filled with mouth-watering pastries on your desk.

I was making copies while listening/dancing to "Pintame," aka my go-to copying song, when it happened. Basically these monkeys had been eyeing my goodies from the treetops and waited for the opportune moment to strike and strike they did.

I didn't notice them at first because the song is just that good and I was in the zone. It took the monkey flipping over my tea cup for me to realize what was going on and surprisingly I didn't scream (because you just can't scream with Elvis Crespo blasting in your ears). The monkeys then looked at me for a few seconds, walked passed me, opened the door (yes... they actually grabbed the handle and opened it), and proceeded to walk down the hallway like the champs they are.

Now I'm sitting here, pastry-less and with an empty cup of tea, while they enjoy their meal right outside my window. Is that cruel or what? This place is filled with trees but they chose the one next to me? Really?

Touche guys... Touche. You got me.

Khadija

PS: The press secretary was walking down the hallway when the monkeys came out of my office. "You're one cheeky intern!" is all he said. I'm building up quite a rep for myself.