Ever since my return from our family vacation I have been feeling a little down. As a matter of fact I’m downright depressed. However, after much reflection, and minus the copay, I have managed to self diagnosed myself. I have a terrible case of the vacationing superhero blues; or VSB.
I have had the wonderful opportunity to have been a superhero three times this summer, however, I have not made this transformation totally by myself. I have “people.” These individuals meet me at the gate which is a prelude to my new planet. They instruct me to remove my mortal shoes, check my galaxy papers, and transport me through a vertical oblong portal so to speak. They will know if I am not mentally ready for my journey by a sounding alarm. No alarm goes off – good – let me now grab my cape (which looks amazingly like a scarf) out of the grey bin, place it around my neck and BAM… I move along to the next travel phase with anticipation and joy.
What happens at the next phase you ask….(I knew you would ask this question because I now have the ability to read minds.) This is where I enter the gynormas silver chamber, pull my very long legs up close to my chest, hold my bladder longer than ever and fly through the air at magnificent speeds oblivious to all the distractions (my kids) around me. Once I’ve landed on my new planet the transformation is complete and I now will experience unbelievable powers. What are these powers you ask….I become invisible to dirty laundry, grocery stores, and bickering kids. I acquire the ability to fend off ringing cellphones, tourist traps, and the battle of the bulge. I can see through hotel room doors, empty wallets, and cheap T-shirts.
I am in a faraway land where I experience very little aches and discomforts, no bloating, or bad allergies. No matter how painful that two hour long horseback ride in the mountains will make my gluts feel I awake two days later feeling refreshed and after a few super hero vitamins (advil) I have the ability to grab the fantastic five (my children) and leap right back into that postcard.
Believe it or not I can jump in 50 degree pristine white waters in the Arkansas River weighted down by an oar, a slick raincoat, a lifejacket, three kids, and an underwater camera and only lose the ability to speak. In this magical world I can carry the weight of the universe on my shoulders all day and never miss a shop, a world of spontaneity where a little white ball can change my whole course.
Last but not least, I have super intelligence skills which comes in handy for extremely difficult tasks like folding maps, finding restrooms in a moment’s notice, and analyzing luggage that has obviously deceased in size since my arrival.
Yes, being a superhero is a truly amazing experience. The only challenging part is rotating through the exit portal, hearing little voices say “hello, MOM, back to earth….”and coming face to face with my archenemy…the villain known as Reality.
