I am a huge fan of the Ellen DeGeneres Show and I especially love it when they invite random viewers from the Ellen audience onto the stage and have them demonstrate their quirky hidden talents. I am speaking of the talents you can only impress your family and friends with, (and Ellen fans). One day after watching the show I began to reflect on the hidden talents I tortured, I mean shared, with others during my life.
My first hidden talent was not unlike every other child around the age of 4; the legendary armpit fart. Come on, how many times did we do this when we were young and it always made us burst out into a fit of laughter. If you were really talented, like me, you could even use the back of your knee to make this disgusting but highly enjoyable sound. It was demonstrating this wonderful talent that I first heard the golden parenting rule…..once is funny…twice is silly….and third time is a time out. * Side note...I let my seven year old read this before I posted it and she looked at me impressively and said “You can do that!”
My second hidden talent was the ability to burp the ABC’s when I was in 2rd grade. Occasionally to this day my parents will make futile attempts for me to bring this talent back even though I officially retired it once I got interested in boys. Not that the boys weren’t impressed. Oh, they were. I had many invitations for visits to the sacred boys’ only tree house to prove my belching abilities but I always declined; the tree house was never decorated to my taste.
My next hidden talent was the ability to walk on my hands when I was 11. I could walk all the way down the street. This talent was achieved through years of gymnastics practice, a lot of money, and then the realization that I was too tall to ever have a chance of gymnastics greatness.
My next impressive ability was to recite all 50 states in alphabetical order. Actually, it is a song I learned in the 6th grade that I have never forgotten. Don’t ask me why? They do not even teach this particular song to our students anymore. This stuck in my head for some strange reason and every once in a while I’ve had the chance to entertain people (my family) with my wonderful rendition of this elementary school song. The first time they were impressed but now … not so much... I think they even used the word annoying the last time I tried to prove my abilities. I’m keeping it to myself for now but one day if my memory holds up I’ll spring it on my grandkids, and when they look at me in awe, I’ll simply say “that’s the way grandma rolls.” I can hardly wait!
These days the word talent is replaced with the word skills, and these skills consist of being able to iron a shirt……(while I’m wearing it) and brushing my teeth without messing up my lipstick and pulling into the obstacle course we call the garage without running over the skateboards, scooters, and bicycles.
Sometimes as I race through the grocery story on a moment’s notice I can’t help but wonder…is this my new midlife talent…. Balancing my pharmacy needs vs. my grocery store needs and putting on a smiling face all the while my daughter burps her ABC’s and makes fart sounds under her armpits to my embarrassment. I guess sometimes you have to pass the torch.
